when i first moved to la five years ago, i was slightly amused by the way people relegated their lives to their immediate geographies. people in hollywood would not hang out with people downtown. people in venice would not hang out with people in the valley. people in pasadena…were pretty much screwed.

i arrived and was driving all over the city. you meet a gal in north hollywood, you drive over to her hood and hang out there. you find a group of guys who get together and play football on saturdays in hermosa beach, you make the drive. my first few months were spent driving all over the city, seeing all the different neighborhoods and learning about la. and then the newness wore off, my exuberance lagged and my tolerance for mind-numbing traffic fell to nil.

there are things that you may notice about yourself that indicate you have fully assimilated into the angeleno lifestyle. these include being jobless, getting your first dui and, of course, only making friends inside your area code.

i once stopped seeing a very attractive woman because she lived in north hollywood and i was living in venice. the drive…the drive was insane. if we wanted to go out for an 8pm dinner, i would have to leave my place shortly after five to be at her place by 7:20. she would sprint out to the car, which i still have in drive and am only slowing down in front of her house long enough for her to jump into the car. we then haul ass to whatever place we are going to, but it has to be in her side of the town because we won’t have time to get anywhere else. am i exaggerating? you try and drive from venice to north hollywood in rush hour traffic. gun. head. shoot.

the point is that i moved to one of the largest cities in the world and it began collapsing on me until i was left only with whatever was west of the 405.

it is honestly more convenient to try and date someone in another city, or even another state. take ny for example. i would rather and try and date a gal there than in the valley - less hassle and i don’t have to drive to the valley. ever. again.

does this mean romance is dead? maybe. or maybe it is just stuck in traffic. either way, i’m still not driving to the valley.

thought for the day - it actually started yesterday.

you ‘re in a crowded men’s room, on the toilet and putting out some force that threatens to wreck the plumbing. do you courtesy flush? for years i thought the best thing you could do for your fellow stallmates was to give a polite flush and make everyone’s time in the stall more bearable, but with my reinvigorated need to be green, i am having second thoughts.

older bathrooms generate 5 gallons per flush. your average water bottle at the water cooler has 5 gallons. if you are trying to be polite you could use 10, and if you ate the late-night bacon cheeseburger at swingers, maybe 15 gallons. that is a lot of water down the drain just in the interest of being polite.

courtesy

green

courtesy

green

i think the only responsible thing to do is forgo the courtesy flush. you might have to apologize but you might also be saving the world.

     we get so few rainy nights here in la that when they come around i find myself relishing them by doing nothing. i will open the blinds where i sit in my kitchen and look out at the rain falling - sometimes just staring, sometimes writing and sometimes i ask myself if there is anywhere else i would rather be.

there is little middle ground in this place. la is a fickle temptress and either you’ll love her from the moment you step out of your car or you will want to turn around immediately and head back to whichever place you thought you were leaving behind. just like so many other big cities, anything is possible here, including absolute self-destruction in a variety of colorful ways. it’s that unending possibility that has me saddled down with both the good and the bad i am constantly uncovering here.

i guess i am one of the lucky ones; i love la. it took a while for me to call her home though - the way it would to break in a new pair of boots or crisp blue jeans. you have to put her on and wear her for a while, get a feel for both the grit and the glitz. there is a lot of bullshit just waiting to pile down on top of you, but there are these beautiful grainy moments when everything seems, perhaps not right, but at least as it should.

this is not going to be some sapped down set of love songs to a city. it’s just how i am feeling tonight. if it ever does get that way, find me and punch me in the nose.

let me know you are going to do it first though.